• Grief,  Spiritual Journey

    Restoration

    I first noticed it one morning last week. I had been in a really great mood the day before and I woke up in a great mood. I had just fixed breakfast, paleo pancakes and eggs, and I was sitting at the table eating while I fed Aslan. We were being silly making funny faces over breakfast and I ended up turning on some music. I scooped him up out of his high chair for an impromptu dance party. These dance parties happen often as we both love to dance, but as the sweet sound of his giggle rang out I felt it. I felt like me again. It almost…

  • Spiritual Journey

    Beauty from Ashes

    “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isiah 43:19 If you are friends with me on facebook you’ve probably already seen that I am officially in a relationship again. I know this came as a surprise to many people as I had only shared this with a few close friends and family. I wanted to write a post to tell the story. This is certainly a new step, a big step to date again. I think many of his own friends were just…

  • Grief,  Spiritual Journey

    With this Ring

    8 years ago today Joshua took me to the Biltmore House. We spent the whole day together and out in the gardens of the house we sat down on a bench, he got down on one knee, told me that he would love me forever and asked me to marry him. We had been together for 5 years and had already experienced more than most couples including the death of his mother, but through it all we loved each other. I knew that no matter what else might get thrown at us we were going to make it through. I happily said yes and put on this gorgeous custom designed…

  • Grief,  Spiritual Journey

    Why the Lion?

    You may notice the Lion theme. There is a reason why. This might be a bit of a long post today but it’s a good story. My son’s name is Aslan Judah. When you bring up the name Aslan, many people instantly have an image or reference for the Lion from Narnia. If you’ve ever read the books or seen the movies even, you know that the Lion is the main figure in the story. The one that saves the day. Specifically it is the Christ figure in the story. His character is one of great strength and power, but also deep love, gentleness, wisdom, and ultimate sacrifice. There is…

  • Grief,  Spiritual Journey

    Memories

    Time Hop is a blessing and a curse. I check it every day and I love seeing old memories and what I did on this day various years before. I even enjoy seeing old posts and pictures of Joshua and I. It can be bittersweet to see them because I miss him, but I still like to look at them. However, this picture came up a few weeks ago and it about broke me. You see this is Joshua and his sweet nephew Samuel. I remember taking the picture. Samuel was only a few weeks old and I remember my heart swelling with love and pride seeing my love hold…

  • Motherhood,  Spiritual Journey

    Living in the AND

    I told my story to a group of women this past week. One comment I got was how my story was full of the And. Death AND life in the same week. Sorrow AND joy together. Along with several other examples from my story leading up to his death. Brave AND scared, hopeful AND nervous. She commented on how she can see how I will be such a safe place for people experiencing life in the AND. It really got me thinking. In my experience working as a counselor I saw many people in my office struggling with that and. In fact there is a whole method of therapy that…

  • Spiritual Journey

    My Dream

    I’ve been praying about where to begin and what I needed to write first. I will start by saying this; there is so much more to this story that so many people don’t know about. My journey of walking brave actually began before he died. I fully plan on telling the whole story someday, but I am praying about the timing of when and how to tell it. I need to respect my own journey of healing and wait until I’m ready and willing to be completely vulnerable with all the details. I also need to respect his friends and family that are still grieving as well. There will come…